I just got like five criticisms on a four paragraph (nonfiction) section I wrote for a paper I'm editing... And my Spirit guide said to me, "It's easy to point out a few things that are wrong, but you have done the hard work of writing the section to begin with. You should be proud!"
I like to remind myself that just because somebody found a few flaws doesn't mean that what I wrote wasn't good. Thanks for helping us all have a better mindset about getting better...
I try to view it as a compliment. I won't bother to give detailed feedback unless I think that the author is able and willing to make improvements. I gave almost no feedback to a member of my writing group after it became obvious that she simply had no real ability. I limited remarks to typos and as many positive comments as I could.
So, while I don't enjoy criticism and I don't always agree with it, I appreciate that someone took the time to carefully read what I wrote and thought it was worth improving.
Very true! That is a great attitude. And people have really praised my work on the paper overall. So I try to remember the challenging feedback in the context of the overall praise. You're right, if they didn't think it was worth commenting, they wouldn't bother!
There are people who think that they could walk into a Michelin-star kitchen... I'm related to some.
U.S. culture has always idolized the person with a "natural gift" over the person who spent time and money to learn a skill. It's part of our elevation of the "common man." It results in the belief that if you don't do it perfectly the first time, it means you don't have the necessary talent. If you have to practice, you'll never be anything more than ordinary. Criticism is personal.
Very true! I recently restarted something that I failed at the first time I tried. And then I restarted something else that I failed at the first two times I tried it!
I had to remind myself that this is actually the process of getting better, not the process of proving that I'm bad at something!
We were actually talking about that very thing in the Writers' Room last night! How easy it is to forget that almost all the novels we admire have been through many restructures and rewrites. There are very few that emerge fully-formed and perfect. Writing is rewriting!
It's the major difference between Asian and Western educational attitudes. Here we emphasize being "smart." It's innate and unchangeable. There they focus on "working hard," putting forth more effort. In college, it irritated the hell out of me when my roommates said that I got better grades than they did because I was "smarter." It couldn't possibly have been because I was home studying while they were out partying.
The reality is, I think, that it's somewhere in between. Some things will come more easily, some will take more effort, and some, no matter how hard you try, just won't happen. You have to make the effort in order to find out.
I related so much to this piece. Thank you! Over the years, I managed to find a process that works for me. I let myself feel the feelings when I get feedback. Whether it's a day or two or a week or more, I let the hurt burn through me. Then, I go back and read the feedback again with a clearer head. I may still hurt a bit, but the sting has been removed.
Most quit because they treat writing like a lottery ticket instead of a trade. No one practices scales for a week and expects to play Carnegie Hall. The gap between expectation and reality is where the dream dies.
It's funny, I was just trying to articulate something like this to another writer currently caught in the slough of despond, while battling my own self-doubt. A fun new way I drown myself with regret is thinking I should have learned to deal with rejection at a younger age instead of avoiding it. I decided to self-publish in five angry seconds when I got yet another form rejection on a full, and decided I couldn't take anymore... Your take with short stories really resonates.
(Ah, and little did I know the opportunities for doubt and criticism in the self-publishing market would be a fun thing too.)
I love what you're saying here. To it, I would add the lesson being my own dev editor for two books has taught me: learn to kill those darlings. Learn from whatever feedback you can get. Learn humility. Learn to make mistakes. Learn to live without your skin, too. Because that's what it's like.
I'm trying. Your discord group is a help, even if I mostly lurk. We're not alone.
Everything you've added is also so important! I'm still really bad at letting myself make mistakes, but I'm working on it
Also that whole thing at getting mad at yourself for not learning to deal with rejection earlier? I felt that in my bones. Sometimes the brain gremlins are never happy!
I keep writing, come Hell or high water, and I've accepted that I don't get a lot of reads, but for the moment, I'm chalking that up to me not focusing too heavily on getting readers and focusing more on just writing all the stories. I haven't really gotten any of the rejections or calls for revisions either, but that's because I'm not sending my work to anyone. Am I short-cutting the system and doing myself a favor? Or am I missing out? I'm not sure.
The beauty of self-publishing is that you can go it alone.
But as I work on my mystery novel, as opposed to all my serials and short stories on Substack, I can't help but think this WIP is really important for me as a writer, and I probably want to get an editor, even if I've slaved away at this story for a long time and the feedback might not be pleasant. I've read Save the Cat! and I read what I think are solid writing blogs, watch videos, look for examples of good writing in movies and TV and novels I'm reading, so I want to think that when the time comes, and someone else reads my book, it'll be pretty damn good to start. I guess we'll see.
So very true. I can’t just put it away. It’s been my “most important” thing. Lol. Too long. I wouldn’t be able to cope if I tried to stop. Luckily, it rarely makes me miserable. Agitated. Constantly. Lost. Confused. Yes.
Worldbuilding became my salvation. I can’t almost always find *something* to work in if I’m not feeling the main plot atm.
Great article. I submitted my very first query for my novella series to an agent today. I am proud of myself. I do not expect a deal since it is the first fictional book that I have written, but I am still excited to have done it.
Thanks for this article! I certainly struggle with allowing rejection to be a part of the writing process, rather than something that signals a weakness on my part. I like to tell myself, "Rejection is Divine protection" and that if I keep submitting, eventually the right magazine or agent or publisher will accept my work.
Loved this! I so appreciate how you bring your experiences as a working author to your perspective as an editor. That empathy is refreshing because sometimes editors come off as cold demigods eager to chastise from their marble pedestals. Have they never done this themselves, or have they simply forgotten what it’s like?
The more often reliable professionals like you can identify with writers and normalize these struggles, however, the more of us can keep going. Thank you!
I feel like when someone becomes purely an editor, it’s quite easy to get callous or complacent. People start seeing things from just an editor’s perspective. For them, it’s just another day at work, and when you see the same problems come up over and over again (and as an editor, you definitely do!) it can get a little frustrating. I guess that can make some of them lose empathy or become a little cruel
The fact that I’m still writing (and still getting hit with rejections, rewrite requests, and everything else) definitely helps keep me on the straight and narrow 😂
And I wouldn’t have it any other way. To me, empathy is the most important part of my work!
No worries! You do you and take care of yourself and your priorities first and foremost. Whenever you're ready!
Subscribed in the meantime, might be interesting to connect our audiences too! I love connecting authors but also authors with illustrators and editors.
I've read enough acknowledgments at the beginnings of books to see just how important editors are. As much as I love my story, I know that my words can be better.
When the time comes I absolutely hope for a Samwise to help me, and the story, all the way to Mt. Doom.
I'd rather not throw the story into a volcano though. I mean it is precious and all, but I'd like to keep it.
I neeeeeeeeeded this so badly, Cae. One of my stories keeps tripping me up and I'm so worried that this round will be the death of it if I can't get it to work. But reading this gave me so much hope.
Also, the LOTR headings were *chef's kiss* so perfect.
it’s insane how writing is the only craft expected to come out fully perfect. i think this erroneous perception of the skill is what makes rejection for writers more painful. we need to start combatting this perception and emphasize again and again that writing takes effort, time, patience, discipline and a lot (a loooot) of rewriting itself. great article!
It isn't. At least in the U.S., it's expected of any art and all crafts. Sports, too. "The natural" is the ideal. Sure, you might need to tweak things a little, but not more than that.
I just got like five criticisms on a four paragraph (nonfiction) section I wrote for a paper I'm editing... And my Spirit guide said to me, "It's easy to point out a few things that are wrong, but you have done the hard work of writing the section to begin with. You should be proud!"
I like to remind myself that just because somebody found a few flaws doesn't mean that what I wrote wasn't good. Thanks for helping us all have a better mindset about getting better...
I try to view it as a compliment. I won't bother to give detailed feedback unless I think that the author is able and willing to make improvements. I gave almost no feedback to a member of my writing group after it became obvious that she simply had no real ability. I limited remarks to typos and as many positive comments as I could.
So, while I don't enjoy criticism and I don't always agree with it, I appreciate that someone took the time to carefully read what I wrote and thought it was worth improving.
Very true! That is a great attitude. And people have really praised my work on the paper overall. So I try to remember the challenging feedback in the context of the overall praise. You're right, if they didn't think it was worth commenting, they wouldn't bother!
People looooooove to pick fault. It’s so much easier than putting the work in themselves
I’m glad you have your guide there to help you along that path. Because they’re right, you should be proud!
There are people who think that they could walk into a Michelin-star kitchen... I'm related to some.
U.S. culture has always idolized the person with a "natural gift" over the person who spent time and money to learn a skill. It's part of our elevation of the "common man." It results in the belief that if you don't do it perfectly the first time, it means you don't have the necessary talent. If you have to practice, you'll never be anything more than ordinary. Criticism is personal.
Very true! I recently restarted something that I failed at the first time I tried. And then I restarted something else that I failed at the first two times I tried it!
I had to remind myself that this is actually the process of getting better, not the process of proving that I'm bad at something!
We were actually talking about that very thing in the Writers' Room last night! How easy it is to forget that almost all the novels we admire have been through many restructures and rewrites. There are very few that emerge fully-formed and perfect. Writing is rewriting!
It's the major difference between Asian and Western educational attitudes. Here we emphasize being "smart." It's innate and unchangeable. There they focus on "working hard," putting forth more effort. In college, it irritated the hell out of me when my roommates said that I got better grades than they did because I was "smarter." It couldn't possibly have been because I was home studying while they were out partying.
The reality is, I think, that it's somewhere in between. Some things will come more easily, some will take more effort, and some, no matter how hard you try, just won't happen. You have to make the effort in order to find out.
I related so much to this piece. Thank you! Over the years, I managed to find a process that works for me. I let myself feel the feelings when I get feedback. Whether it's a day or two or a week or more, I let the hurt burn through me. Then, I go back and read the feedback again with a clearer head. I may still hurt a bit, but the sting has been removed.
I love this! Honestly, while I still struggle, actually allowing myself to feel what I’m feeling? Absolute game-changer
In writing, yes. But also in life. Who even knew?
Most quit because they treat writing like a lottery ticket instead of a trade. No one practices scales for a week and expects to play Carnegie Hall. The gap between expectation and reality is where the dream dies.
It's funny, I was just trying to articulate something like this to another writer currently caught in the slough of despond, while battling my own self-doubt. A fun new way I drown myself with regret is thinking I should have learned to deal with rejection at a younger age instead of avoiding it. I decided to self-publish in five angry seconds when I got yet another form rejection on a full, and decided I couldn't take anymore... Your take with short stories really resonates.
(Ah, and little did I know the opportunities for doubt and criticism in the self-publishing market would be a fun thing too.)
I love what you're saying here. To it, I would add the lesson being my own dev editor for two books has taught me: learn to kill those darlings. Learn from whatever feedback you can get. Learn humility. Learn to make mistakes. Learn to live without your skin, too. Because that's what it's like.
I'm trying. Your discord group is a help, even if I mostly lurk. We're not alone.
Everything you've added is also so important! I'm still really bad at letting myself make mistakes, but I'm working on it
Also that whole thing at getting mad at yourself for not learning to deal with rejection earlier? I felt that in my bones. Sometimes the brain gremlins are never happy!
I keep writing, come Hell or high water, and I've accepted that I don't get a lot of reads, but for the moment, I'm chalking that up to me not focusing too heavily on getting readers and focusing more on just writing all the stories. I haven't really gotten any of the rejections or calls for revisions either, but that's because I'm not sending my work to anyone. Am I short-cutting the system and doing myself a favor? Or am I missing out? I'm not sure.
The beauty of self-publishing is that you can go it alone.
But as I work on my mystery novel, as opposed to all my serials and short stories on Substack, I can't help but think this WIP is really important for me as a writer, and I probably want to get an editor, even if I've slaved away at this story for a long time and the feedback might not be pleasant. I've read Save the Cat! and I read what I think are solid writing blogs, watch videos, look for examples of good writing in movies and TV and novels I'm reading, so I want to think that when the time comes, and someone else reads my book, it'll be pretty damn good to start. I guess we'll see.
It sounds like you’re doing all the right things to give this one the best possible chance of success!
Honestly, there’s no “correct” answer on the whole going after readers vs just putting out whatever you want and seeing how it goes
It’s always down to your own priorities as a writer, and what is most important. Writing for yourself is valid, but so is writing for an audience!
They often use different approaches, but so long as you know what you want, you’re well on your way
I appreciate how encouraging this is! Love the LoTR slant too. 🤩
I had a lot of fun with the LotR framing. Not gonna lie 😁
So very true. I can’t just put it away. It’s been my “most important” thing. Lol. Too long. I wouldn’t be able to cope if I tried to stop. Luckily, it rarely makes me miserable. Agitated. Constantly. Lost. Confused. Yes.
Worldbuilding became my salvation. I can’t almost always find *something* to work in if I’m not feeling the main plot atm.
Great article. I submitted my very first query for my novella series to an agent today. I am proud of myself. I do not expect a deal since it is the first fictional book that I have written, but I am still excited to have done it.
That’s so awesome. Congratulations on doing the brave thing! Wishing you all the best in the query trenches
Thanks for this article! I certainly struggle with allowing rejection to be a part of the writing process, rather than something that signals a weakness on my part. I like to tell myself, "Rejection is Divine protection" and that if I keep submitting, eventually the right magazine or agent or publisher will accept my work.
I love that approach! Honestly I still really struggle with it too. It's a constant learning process
It sure is!
The struggling writers Light of Eärendil comes from within!
And Cae 😂
I've got you 🤜🤛
Loved this! I so appreciate how you bring your experiences as a working author to your perspective as an editor. That empathy is refreshing because sometimes editors come off as cold demigods eager to chastise from their marble pedestals. Have they never done this themselves, or have they simply forgotten what it’s like?
The more often reliable professionals like you can identify with writers and normalize these struggles, however, the more of us can keep going. Thank you!
I feel like when someone becomes purely an editor, it’s quite easy to get callous or complacent. People start seeing things from just an editor’s perspective. For them, it’s just another day at work, and when you see the same problems come up over and over again (and as an editor, you definitely do!) it can get a little frustrating. I guess that can make some of them lose empathy or become a little cruel
The fact that I’m still writing (and still getting hit with rejections, rewrite requests, and everything else) definitely helps keep me on the straight and narrow 😂
And I wouldn’t have it any other way. To me, empathy is the most important part of my work!
Wow. Loved reading this, even if it can be a bit scary at times. On point LOTR references too.
Love the negative hook but positive way forward!
I'm gonna DM you a couple of questions, if you have the time.
Of course. I'm in the middle of deadline hell atm, but I'll answer if I can!
No worries! You do you and take care of yourself and your priorities first and foremost. Whenever you're ready!
Subscribed in the meantime, might be interesting to connect our audiences too! I love connecting authors but also authors with illustrators and editors.
I've read enough acknowledgments at the beginnings of books to see just how important editors are. As much as I love my story, I know that my words can be better.
When the time comes I absolutely hope for a Samwise to help me, and the story, all the way to Mt. Doom.
I'd rather not throw the story into a volcano though. I mean it is precious and all, but I'd like to keep it.
I think I speak for all editors when we say the goal is definitely to not throw the novel in the volcano 😂
I neeeeeeeeeded this so badly, Cae. One of my stories keeps tripping me up and I'm so worried that this round will be the death of it if I can't get it to work. But reading this gave me so much hope.
Also, the LOTR headings were *chef's kiss* so perfect.
So happy this post found you when you needed it!
Hang in there with your story. I have a novel I’ve already rewritten from scratch twice, and I’m slowly accepting that it needs a third attempt
Sometimes writing is so hard 🫠
it’s insane how writing is the only craft expected to come out fully perfect. i think this erroneous perception of the skill is what makes rejection for writers more painful. we need to start combatting this perception and emphasize again and again that writing takes effort, time, patience, discipline and a lot (a loooot) of rewriting itself. great article!
This is so true. And I’m definitely doing my part by complaining about how hard it is. Like, all the time 😂
It isn't. At least in the U.S., it's expected of any art and all crafts. Sports, too. "The natural" is the ideal. Sure, you might need to tweak things a little, but not more than that.