I finally got to this piece. Apologies for the delay.
Your input is always so helpful and nuanced. I find that your tips are never generic, and always rooted in your own experience, which helps make them more tangible. Take some and leave some, is the motto I abide by. As you so brilliantly pointed it out, not all feedback is good feedback. And this is something a lot of writers need to learn to keep going. Amazing read, once again!
Absolutely! And it was my pleasure to read. I'm always looking forward to your tips, they are so grounded and they're not patronizing at all, like some others can be.
I loved what you wrote here, and honestly, I think that parents should read this. This is not just good guidance for writing feedback but for all types of feedback. Especially the "don't take feedback unless people have taken time first to ask you what your goals are" recommendation. That was a huge lesson for me, learning that if people haven't listened to me first, I don't need to listen to their response if it's not getting me closer to where I want to go. Thank you for taking the time to share this.
Being selective with whose advice I take on board is definitely something that's come with experience for me. I don't have much internal confidence, so used to assume that I was always wrong
But making a living as an editor has done a good job of teaching me hey, there are some places where I actually do know what I'm talking about. It's changed the feedback landscape completely. Where I used to feel like anyone telling me something must be right, now it's much easier to see that folks with very little knowledge shout loudly all the time
As you say, asking "is this person aligned with my goals for this project" is huge
I love that! Folks with very little knowledge, shout loudly all the time. So true! Glad to hear you've learned to be more confident in your own wisdom. That inspires me!
I have experienced hurtful experiences when sharing my work (particularly in college when I had to turn in an honors thesis proposal and whole room of professors ripped it to shreds). And that is why I am terrified to let anyone beta read my novel. Because it puts me back in that room. I’m trying to be brave, though, and find “safe” readers who are not teardown artists.
I wish I'd read a summary like this when I started down that road. I think the "time to process" you mentioned is one of the most important parts. Lots of suggestions, often contradictory, will be thrown at the receiver of feedback, and just allowing it to happen and waiting for it to settle gives you time to understand what's most relevant to the core intention of your story as a writer.
Thank you for this wonderful information. It's very informative and has helped me to think again about how I respond to feedback. I think I always put myself in a position of looking up to the person giving feedback and I know that's not a good place to be, so now I have the opportunity to change how I approach feedback, and I'll try to take the nervousness and negative emotions out of the stance I have towards it and move towards being stronger inside.
Wonderful post. Such a great mix of structured information, personal lived experience, and shrewd psychological insight. Thanks Cae, this was worth waiting for!
As a writer, who is also an editor, I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s so important to carefully think about how we are critiquing another writers’s work. There is no need to be harsh. Gently discussing how you can make changes to improve the syntax, fluidity and readability of another’s work without changing their voice is helpful. I know there have been times when I needed to ensure that my tone came across as gentle, so now if I’m about to write a query and I’m in the least bit concerned about that, I will put my response through AI to ensure that I have made the comment as tactfully as possible. This is because sometimes when I’m tired, but still working, I can be short in my written communication. I would be devastated to hurt someone’s feelings, though, so it’s worth the effort.
I get the same worry sometimes! For me, it usually happens when leaving manuscript annotations. I can get quite task-focused in that stage, and it can come across a little blunt
Eventually I started keeping a list of ideas on how to be a better editor. Things like checking how many pages it's been since I left a genuine compliment (and adding a few more if needed) or changing how I word things.
So instead of saying "this conflict is currently ineffective because..." I aim for something like "I love how you're trying to introduce more conflict here! To make it more effective, we could..."
It's a constant learning experience, but like you say, so important!
I’m glad I’m not alone. When I’m line editing, I often leave comments for the author, either to suggest changes or explain why I made changes. Sometimes I can be too blunt as well, so I have to be careful about that. I love what you said about making an effort to leave more complimentary comments. That’s an excellent habit!
Thank you for this. My beta readers are wonderful and given insightful feedback for a number of my manuscripts. But it always hurts. They are in NO WAY tear down artists- they’re sensitive and supportive and the feedback is totally valid, and usually tips I act on. But it takes months to process.
When I read this “Picture them, if you can. And offer them the same comfort and safety you’d give to a devastated child who turned up on your doorstep.
It might sound weird, but it works.”
It hit me like a train. I’ve had enough therapy to have used this technique in the past. But it never occurred to me to use it for writing feedback. I thought I was being weak.
You’ve helped me understand that feedback hurts because the pain and fear all comes from the same place/experiences. ❤️
Sometimes I wonder if part of why critique is hard to receive is because we push away the part that's wounded by it. I know I do, at least
Internal Family Systems has been an absolute gamechanger for me when it comes to dealing with pain
Really glad this post helped you out on your own journey. It sounds like you have a writer's soul and a team of excellent beta readers to speed you on your way
I founded a nonprofit poetry publishing house in my city. We ended up with forty really good poets to feature at our readings. In the initial stages of our interactions, when I 'critiqued' their work, it was never "do less of this" ~ always "do more of that!"
I can easily say that the critique you gave me in a sample edit was absolutely spot on and compassionately delivered. Also, I ran across the house to read some of your positive feedback out loud to my partner. 🥰
Great insights. I've certainly met the teardown artist a few times. In some cases, their desire to find faults led to a total inability to read between the lines, and amounted to a failure of comprehension. Some writers critiquing another's work seem to get lost in the sentences, and stop doing the collaborative work of imagination that could be confidently expected from a normal reader. They miss basic character motivations, plot points, and so on, while they scan your work for adverbs. Such folk should be avoided, and their advice should be treated with caution.
Great advice. I have always found a good critique group helps a lot with finding flaws or weakness in your writing. Would love to find one here on substack, so if anybody knows of one, please DM me.
“For criticism to be useful, it has to do two things: see what you’re trying to achieve, and find ways to help you get there.” — this. I feel many think feedback means just marking a piece up and showing their expertise, but this is the true, constructive way to provide feedback.
What an empathetic and informative post. I think Im ready to tackle my feedback now, thank you!
Yessssss, Aether. You've got this 💪
Thank you for this; so insightful. And I'm super envious you've met NK Jemisin!
She took part in a TTRPG I ran for my classmates!
It was terrifying
She is a force to be reckoned with, truly
I finally got to this piece. Apologies for the delay.
Your input is always so helpful and nuanced. I find that your tips are never generic, and always rooted in your own experience, which helps make them more tangible. Take some and leave some, is the motto I abide by. As you so brilliantly pointed it out, not all feedback is good feedback. And this is something a lot of writers need to learn to keep going. Amazing read, once again!
Thank you so much for reading!
Like you say, as with everything it's a "take what's useful and ignore the rest" situation
It's so easy to take every bit of feedback personally, but not every suggestion can (or should!) be acted on
Absolutely! And it was my pleasure to read. I'm always looking forward to your tips, they are so grounded and they're not patronizing at all, like some others can be.
That's exactly what I aspire towards, so this made me really happy 😁
I loved what you wrote here, and honestly, I think that parents should read this. This is not just good guidance for writing feedback but for all types of feedback. Especially the "don't take feedback unless people have taken time first to ask you what your goals are" recommendation. That was a huge lesson for me, learning that if people haven't listened to me first, I don't need to listen to their response if it's not getting me closer to where I want to go. Thank you for taking the time to share this.
Thanks so much for your kind words!
Being selective with whose advice I take on board is definitely something that's come with experience for me. I don't have much internal confidence, so used to assume that I was always wrong
But making a living as an editor has done a good job of teaching me hey, there are some places where I actually do know what I'm talking about. It's changed the feedback landscape completely. Where I used to feel like anyone telling me something must be right, now it's much easier to see that folks with very little knowledge shout loudly all the time
As you say, asking "is this person aligned with my goals for this project" is huge
I love that! Folks with very little knowledge, shout loudly all the time. So true! Glad to hear you've learned to be more confident in your own wisdom. That inspires me!
I have experienced hurtful experiences when sharing my work (particularly in college when I had to turn in an honors thesis proposal and whole room of professors ripped it to shreds). And that is why I am terrified to let anyone beta read my novel. Because it puts me back in that room. I’m trying to be brave, though, and find “safe” readers who are not teardown artists.
I've been there, and I'm so sorry to hear this
You deserve to have supportive, helpful feedback that builds you up instead of tearing you down
I'm really mad that this happened to you!
I wish I'd read a summary like this when I started down that road. I think the "time to process" you mentioned is one of the most important parts. Lots of suggestions, often contradictory, will be thrown at the receiver of feedback, and just allowing it to happen and waiting for it to settle gives you time to understand what's most relevant to the core intention of your story as a writer.
So true! Honestly, I think finding our way through all the contradictory advice is one of the most important skills a writer can learn
Thank you for this wonderful information. It's very informative and has helped me to think again about how I respond to feedback. I think I always put myself in a position of looking up to the person giving feedback and I know that's not a good place to be, so now I have the opportunity to change how I approach feedback, and I'll try to take the nervousness and negative emotions out of the stance I have towards it and move towards being stronger inside.
That's awesome. I'm so glad you found it helpful!
Wonderful post. Such a great mix of structured information, personal lived experience, and shrewd psychological insight. Thanks Cae, this was worth waiting for!
Thanks so much, Moll! I really appreciate you and all that you’re about 🩶
Same back with added interest, Cae! Xx
As a writer, who is also an editor, I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s so important to carefully think about how we are critiquing another writers’s work. There is no need to be harsh. Gently discussing how you can make changes to improve the syntax, fluidity and readability of another’s work without changing their voice is helpful. I know there have been times when I needed to ensure that my tone came across as gentle, so now if I’m about to write a query and I’m in the least bit concerned about that, I will put my response through AI to ensure that I have made the comment as tactfully as possible. This is because sometimes when I’m tired, but still working, I can be short in my written communication. I would be devastated to hurt someone’s feelings, though, so it’s worth the effort.
I get the same worry sometimes! For me, it usually happens when leaving manuscript annotations. I can get quite task-focused in that stage, and it can come across a little blunt
Eventually I started keeping a list of ideas on how to be a better editor. Things like checking how many pages it's been since I left a genuine compliment (and adding a few more if needed) or changing how I word things.
So instead of saying "this conflict is currently ineffective because..." I aim for something like "I love how you're trying to introduce more conflict here! To make it more effective, we could..."
It's a constant learning experience, but like you say, so important!
I’m glad I’m not alone. When I’m line editing, I often leave comments for the author, either to suggest changes or explain why I made changes. Sometimes I can be too blunt as well, so I have to be careful about that. I love what you said about making an effort to leave more complimentary comments. That’s an excellent habit!
It's really helped a lot!
Love that you take so much time to be gentle and constructive. That's awesome!
Thank you for this. My beta readers are wonderful and given insightful feedback for a number of my manuscripts. But it always hurts. They are in NO WAY tear down artists- they’re sensitive and supportive and the feedback is totally valid, and usually tips I act on. But it takes months to process.
When I read this “Picture them, if you can. And offer them the same comfort and safety you’d give to a devastated child who turned up on your doorstep.
It might sound weird, but it works.”
It hit me like a train. I’ve had enough therapy to have used this technique in the past. But it never occurred to me to use it for writing feedback. I thought I was being weak.
You’ve helped me understand that feedback hurts because the pain and fear all comes from the same place/experiences. ❤️
I feel this in my bones!
Sometimes I wonder if part of why critique is hard to receive is because we push away the part that's wounded by it. I know I do, at least
Internal Family Systems has been an absolute gamechanger for me when it comes to dealing with pain
Really glad this post helped you out on your own journey. It sounds like you have a writer's soul and a team of excellent beta readers to speed you on your way
Thank you Cae 🥰
I founded a nonprofit poetry publishing house in my city. We ended up with forty really good poets to feature at our readings. In the initial stages of our interactions, when I 'critiqued' their work, it was never "do less of this" ~ always "do more of that!"
This is the best way!
Very motivating as usual. Thank you.
My pleasure. Thanks so much for reading!
I can easily say that the critique you gave me in a sample edit was absolutely spot on and compassionately delivered. Also, I ran across the house to read some of your positive feedback out loud to my partner. 🥰
Ack, my heart! This absolutely made my morning. Thank you so much 🩶
Great insights. I've certainly met the teardown artist a few times. In some cases, their desire to find faults led to a total inability to read between the lines, and amounted to a failure of comprehension. Some writers critiquing another's work seem to get lost in the sentences, and stop doing the collaborative work of imagination that could be confidently expected from a normal reader. They miss basic character motivations, plot points, and so on, while they scan your work for adverbs. Such folk should be avoided, and their advice should be treated with caution.
100% agree! I always plough through a book as quickly as possible on my first pass, taking it in the same way a reader would (as much as possible)
That has to be where we start from with developmental feedback, or else what use is it?
Great advice. I have always found a good critique group helps a lot with finding flaws or weakness in your writing. Would love to find one here on substack, so if anybody knows of one, please DM me.
“For criticism to be useful, it has to do two things: see what you’re trying to achieve, and find ways to help you get there.” — this. I feel many think feedback means just marking a piece up and showing their expertise, but this is the true, constructive way to provide feedback.
Exactly this! It needs to be about honouring the work, not an exercise in showing off for the critic!