I have an info dump chapter in a draft I was dreading editing but this help put things into perspective. I knew generally that it needed condensing, but didn't know how, so thanks for this guide.
Excellent post. Unfortunately, drives home the fact that I rely too heavily on bodily reactions when trying to convey emotion. Fortunately, you've provided great tips on what I can do instead.
You’re not alone with that! I think it’s natural to reach for bodily reactions as we move away from telling, and the fact we increasingly consume stories visually (through TV and movies) kinda compounds that
There are so many moments when the right glance or movement really makes a show. It took me a while to figure out that it just doesn’t land the same in fiction
Scattering them occasionally doesn’t do any harm, but yeah. Showing through what actually happens will almost always hit harder in written stories
Really glad to have given you some thoughts and ideas for exploring further. Happy writing!
One form of telling I had to cut out of my writing is what an editor I worked with called "filtering". I would write, "Joe heard the bells ringing in the church." This robs the reader of the experience. Instead, "The peal of the bells filled the room causing Joe to look out the window." Now the reader hears the bells along with the character.
I can honestly say, nothing has improved my writing as much as having an editor read and critique it. I've been fortunate enough to work with some really good ones.
I have to save this for writing my next book. It's an ensemble school drama without any definitive tells on what each characters are thinking or feeling.
So far I still can't decide whether to weave the 12 subjects to each of the 10 different characters and somehow attach it as a foreground noise to the underlying plot, or just add to it as I go.
I don't know which of the two would have less painful consequences.
Just so you know, I sort of gobbled up and consumed every word of this. Thank you so much! I needed much of this. The rest I probably need and don’t realize it yet.
Thank you. It's funny; I was taught that bodily responses are a form of showing to use instead of telling emotions--it never crossed my mind that they could be 'telling' too! Interesting. I was also taught somewhere that 'show don't tell' means 'embody don't inform', which also works as a stand-in for most of the other applications of the rule as you seem to be using it--though you seem to be going for something more like 'express action, not information'.
In other news, I'm still reading BABEL, because it's taking me ages to get through, because I'm not enjoying it very much (I've finished multiple other books in the course of reading it...) and I'm now convinced that this is because it has so much telling in proportion to a relatively small amount of showing!
I still have the question, though: Is part of being a good writer knowing *when* (occasionally) to tell and *when* to show? Isn't there a skill to jumping over the less interesting bits with telling and then slowing down for the showing? You have started to touch on this in this article. I think Ursula le Guin in STEERING THE CRAFT calls this 'crowding and leaping'?
I finally made Book 1 of my fantasy series permafree on Kindle ( https://mybook.to/sotj1 if you're interested) with which I can illustrate my point. In this, chapter 1 'Heart' is as much as possible supposed to be showing. However for e.g. chapter 22 'Overworld' is pure telling (and is very short), because it is just meant to be summarising the characters travelling from one place to another--what was in my head was old school video game rpg characters traversing a world map via the visual metaphor of just one of their oversized sprites (cf. the latest The Muppets reboot film, where at one point the characters go 'Let's travel by map!' and then have a travel-by-map montage XD ). Do you think that can work/what are your further thoughts on blending the two and knowing how frequently and quickly to shift gears between them?
I also think some authors make telling fun because they do it so well, but maybe in these instances what is going on is more that the narrator has become a character with a unique voice in their own right so really what we are getting in the telling sections is a form of monologue/speech (again, see Scott Lynch for this--you are in for a treat when you get round to The Lies of Locke Lamora)?
Babel (and all RF Kuang’s work honestly) is very heavy on the telling!
Some of that is because she skews more literary, some of it she offsets by having big dramatic moments and really punchy ideas, and some of it is just her personal style and the risks she’s comfortable taking. I personally don’t engage with her work as much as I could because it’s so heavy with telling, and I know a lot of other folks who feel the same. But of course, it clearly works for a lot of people! She has a huge audience and is really highly regarded
With body reactions, some people do consider them showing, but to me it’ll always be telling with extra steps. It’s not doing that magic of making the reader feel whatever we want them to feel
I absolutely agree that telling can work. It’s all about striking that individual balance of how much we want to tell vs show as a writer, where our book sits on the genre to literary scale, what work we’re doing to “balance out” the natural distancing that comes from telling, and how important it is to our style/how much risk we’re willing to take with it!
I have an info dump chapter in a draft I was dreading editing but this help put things into perspective. I knew generally that it needed condensing, but didn't know how, so thanks for this guide.
Yay! Really happy it found you at the right moment
Happy editing ✒️
Excellent post. Unfortunately, drives home the fact that I rely too heavily on bodily reactions when trying to convey emotion. Fortunately, you've provided great tips on what I can do instead.
You’re not alone with that! I think it’s natural to reach for bodily reactions as we move away from telling, and the fact we increasingly consume stories visually (through TV and movies) kinda compounds that
There are so many moments when the right glance or movement really makes a show. It took me a while to figure out that it just doesn’t land the same in fiction
Scattering them occasionally doesn’t do any harm, but yeah. Showing through what actually happens will almost always hit harder in written stories
Really glad to have given you some thoughts and ideas for exploring further. Happy writing!
Fabulous advice and information, as always. Thank you Cae!
Rawr, thanks so much for reading!
One form of telling I had to cut out of my writing is what an editor I worked with called "filtering". I would write, "Joe heard the bells ringing in the church." This robs the reader of the experience. Instead, "The peal of the bells filled the room causing Joe to look out the window." Now the reader hears the bells along with the character.
I can honestly say, nothing has improved my writing as much as having an editor read and critique it. I've been fortunate enough to work with some really good ones.
Yessssss! Filter words are such a sneaky one. I wrote about them quite a lot in my post about common prose problems: https://pagewake.substack.com/p/fixing-poor-prose-five-ways-to-strengthen
What an incredibly thorough and helpful missive. Sitting down with this and my draft today. Thank you Cae! ❤️🔥
Thanks so much for reading! You are the best
I have to save this for writing my next book. It's an ensemble school drama without any definitive tells on what each characters are thinking or feeling.
Ooooh boy, I love the ambition of this! You’ve definite set a task for yourself, and sometimes that’s when the most incredible things happen
I can’t wait to hear how it goes
Thank you.
So far I still can't decide whether to weave the 12 subjects to each of the 10 different characters and somehow attach it as a foreground noise to the underlying plot, or just add to it as I go.
I don't know which of the two would have less painful consequences.
Just so you know, I sort of gobbled up and consumed every word of this. Thank you so much! I needed much of this. The rest I probably need and don’t realize it yet.
Reading this comment was the best start to my day. Thanks so much! Really happy the post helped with your own work
You’re so welcome. It’s was well-earned and we’ll-deserved.
This is such a great post! Saved! Thank you!
Yay! Thanks so much for reading
This is a heap of good lessons. Thanks.
Thanks so much for reading! Glad you found it useful
Thank you. It's funny; I was taught that bodily responses are a form of showing to use instead of telling emotions--it never crossed my mind that they could be 'telling' too! Interesting. I was also taught somewhere that 'show don't tell' means 'embody don't inform', which also works as a stand-in for most of the other applications of the rule as you seem to be using it--though you seem to be going for something more like 'express action, not information'.
In other news, I'm still reading BABEL, because it's taking me ages to get through, because I'm not enjoying it very much (I've finished multiple other books in the course of reading it...) and I'm now convinced that this is because it has so much telling in proportion to a relatively small amount of showing!
I still have the question, though: Is part of being a good writer knowing *when* (occasionally) to tell and *when* to show? Isn't there a skill to jumping over the less interesting bits with telling and then slowing down for the showing? You have started to touch on this in this article. I think Ursula le Guin in STEERING THE CRAFT calls this 'crowding and leaping'?
I finally made Book 1 of my fantasy series permafree on Kindle ( https://mybook.to/sotj1 if you're interested) with which I can illustrate my point. In this, chapter 1 'Heart' is as much as possible supposed to be showing. However for e.g. chapter 22 'Overworld' is pure telling (and is very short), because it is just meant to be summarising the characters travelling from one place to another--what was in my head was old school video game rpg characters traversing a world map via the visual metaphor of just one of their oversized sprites (cf. the latest The Muppets reboot film, where at one point the characters go 'Let's travel by map!' and then have a travel-by-map montage XD ). Do you think that can work/what are your further thoughts on blending the two and knowing how frequently and quickly to shift gears between them?
I also think some authors make telling fun because they do it so well, but maybe in these instances what is going on is more that the narrator has become a character with a unique voice in their own right so really what we are getting in the telling sections is a form of monologue/speech (again, see Scott Lynch for this--you are in for a treat when you get round to The Lies of Locke Lamora)?
Babel (and all RF Kuang’s work honestly) is very heavy on the telling!
Some of that is because she skews more literary, some of it she offsets by having big dramatic moments and really punchy ideas, and some of it is just her personal style and the risks she’s comfortable taking. I personally don’t engage with her work as much as I could because it’s so heavy with telling, and I know a lot of other folks who feel the same. But of course, it clearly works for a lot of people! She has a huge audience and is really highly regarded
With body reactions, some people do consider them showing, but to me it’ll always be telling with extra steps. It’s not doing that magic of making the reader feel whatever we want them to feel
I absolutely agree that telling can work. It’s all about striking that individual balance of how much we want to tell vs show as a writer, where our book sits on the genre to literary scale, what work we’re doing to “balance out” the natural distancing that comes from telling, and how important it is to our style/how much risk we’re willing to take with it!